#137: Raising Children - The Inside Story
ONE: Why direct attempts to raise a child to "walk toward truth" could push them in the opposite direction. TWO: How children learn by imitation much more than from our words. THREE: How the little things in life bring great joy. FOUR: Mechanical, by rote learning VS lively discovery. FIVE: Have faith in the resilience of the child. SIX: Fred relates how he met a most lovely, charming family in the midst of the Amazon Jungle. SEVEN: Link to book Tom mentions to help teenagers develop critical thinking skills.
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Hi Tom and Fred
Here are a few additional thoughts on the raising of children:
The formost principle of working to see the way one really is inwardly as opposed to the way he wants, imagines, and pretends to be is the key to anything beneficial for everybody involved, including children who are so impressionable. Because there is no separation between people in reality and children sense this intuitively, they ultimately take on the actual nature of the people around them. This begs the question: What am I really, really, really like inwardly? Am I full of suppressed hostility and violence? Is my psychic system taken over by worry and self-concern? Am I mechanically irritated at the slightest thing? Do I say one thing and think another? Is my inner system swarming with fear and apprehension?
To the extent that a person thinks he possesses a self that is separate from others and the rest of life, the answer to the above questions is a resounding YES. What a shock to see the actual harm that a person is doing to himself and consequently to young children as a result of being sound asleep, all the while imagining to be spreading light and goodness in the world.
One form this harm takes is the fatal mistake of IDENTIFYING with one's children. A person's delusion of possessing a separate self extents to his children which he takes as belonging to him, as being part of his self-love prison which he clings to order to manufacture a false sense of security. Instead of raising children to live the life that they are, they are tricked through every possible form of manipulation to add to the vanity of this prison-self. This is pure evil and must be shockingly seen as such.
Because there is no separation between people in reality, there is no such thing as an exclusive love reserved for a few people. A person rightly influences his children to the exact extent that he rightly influences other children equally. By becoming aware of one's attitude toward children who are not his own, a person begins to glimpse his actual nature within. The truth is, to the extent to which he thinks he is a separate self, to that same extent he doesn't care for anybody at all. In fact, psychologicaly speaking, other people don't even exist as far as he is concerned. All that matters is the protection of his glorious illusory self. Great harm is caused to young children as a result of being around this type of unconscious, mechanical influence.
Seeing all the evil and harm that passes as goodness and love is not negative. Though challenging and disturbing, how refreshing it is to begin to see through the stage-acting of the apparent separate self that thinks it has it all figured out. Only the willingness to go through shock after shock of revealing lie after lie hidden within will allow a person to know what to do in life including when around children.
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My favorite sentence in Paul's writing here is:
"One form this harm takes is the fatal mistake of IDENTIFYING with one's children. A person's delusion of possessing a separate self extents to his children which he takes as belonging to him, as being part of his self-love prison which he clings to order to manufacture a false sense of security."
Well worth the time looking deeply at this. (Tom Russell)
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Great Podcast Guys.
There is so much to take away from it. The point that sticks to me the most is the best thing you can do for your children is work on making yourself a better person. Children imitate what they see. That is something important to be aware of in daily life....
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I just read the podcast about raising children and it relieved me of some pain regarding my childred. There were some problems there,and I often wondered if I had read a boook if things would have been better, but I did in fact do what you suggested and followed my heart in raising them.
Thank you. It gives me much relief.
Wilma
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This is a rather late post but Big Bravo to your post above. It's a clear description of what I believe to be axial in the forming of the primary distortion that causes a child to fragment having to accomadate to the parents constant wishes.Which are usually motivated by distortions that the parents carry within about themselves and what is or should be greatly handicapping the ability to see and accept others as they are.
The myriad of forms for which this manifests make up the experiences of the primary years with heavy emotional tones having powerful effects.
Most damaging techniques are maniputlative guilt , fear and the worst being withdrawl of love for percieved non compliance.
Please understand that I fully know that none of this is done intentionaly and is the result of unawareness.
Having to face all the above being a child and then becoming a parent I became the roll of both.
The initial horror when you awaken is quite profound because it truly is evil but you come to know that the intention was not of this nature and understanding forgiveness and compassion are the result..
Just beautiful.. Thanks to all at Superwisdom you continue to bless me and I send big love your way.
L
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